Monday, February 25, 2008

the oscar 10

my family has a tradition dating back 6 or 7 years, in which we all fill out oscar ballots (sound mixing and all), cozy down in front of the tv with more gourmet snacks than we could ever finish, and lord our triumphs, category by category, over each other; until, finally, the winner is announced. prize: $40 and a year's worth of bragging rights. i've only been bested twice, and this year found my in a tie with my sister (who chose the 'whatever-laura-didn't-pick' method of filling out her ballot, which strikes me as a remarkably lazy m.o., but i digress . . . ).
so, today has that december 26th, day-after-your-birthday kind of feel. although i didn't get to watch with my whole family, mallory and i camped out on the couch with the entire small-plates section of trader joe's on the table and quipped and bitched to our heart's content. to stave off the impending feeling of sadness and gloom, i would like to offer my critiques on this year's fashion flops, faux-pas, and totally awesome choices:

Top 5 best-dressed

5. Marion Cotillard
The dress totally didn't hit me at first - I thought she looked like a mix between a quilted Chanel purse and our friend Ariel, the Little Mermaid. However, as the inimitable Randoph Duke pointed out, the gold scales on the dress aren't quilted fabric at all but rather tiny, intricate fan-shaped gold designs that mimic the fin look. Her hair, the necklace, the back of the dress - it could have been a disaster, but it worked so perfectly that I can't see it as anything but breathtaking. Being gorgeous and so French doesn't hurt, either. PS - accessory of the night was that long necklace. Interesting...

4. Amy Adams
Love Proenza Schouler, love the sweetheart neckline, the vintage clutch, the little train, the hair - it just worked. I'm biased towards redheads who can pull off a great high-fashion look without making themselves look as if they just rubbed on four layers of Avon Self-Tanner in Deep Bronze... but beyond that, she looked elegant and gorgeous without tons of makeup. Well done, Amy; well done.

3. Keri Russell
I've loved her ever since Felicity, so excuse my predisposition toward the willowy, curly-haired coed - but she looked incredible. Glowing. That champagne-colored organza was perfect on her; it looked easy and fresh and perfectly appropriate for Oscar night. You can almost hear the dress swishing as she walked down the red carpet. Simple, elegant, impeccable.

2. Heidi Klum
Okay, so she's not a movie star, and I feel badly leaving Nicole Kidman off of this list, but . . . WOW. Talk about high fashion done right. She had the best red dress of the night, by far - the silhouette fell perfectly, the neckline was simple and clean, and the shawl piece - volume, drama, and elegance all in a yard of red silk taffeta. Thank you, John Galliano. Her hair worked perfectly - kept the sleek and elegant thing going, without distracting in any way from the dress. Loved it.

.... and number 1. Jennifer Garner
Holy smokes. I've always thought of her as this kind of mom-ish, tennis-shoes and jeans, sensibly dressed actress. She's certainly looked good at awards shows past, but she's never been the one who would steal the limelight from your Cate Blanchetts and Jessica Albas and Nicole Kidmans. But tonight - mission accomplished. She looked smokin. The dress was super dramatic, but with her simple (okay, it was VanCleef & Arpels and probably 40 carats) necklace and cuffs, she worked it. She put her back into it, as a friend of mine might say. Totally transcended the cute, girl-next-door, mom of Violet at the park swing look that she has inhabited. Simply stunning.

Honorable Mention: Nicole Kidman, Anne Hathaway.

Top 5 worst-dressed

5. Tilda Swinton
She seemed to have been channeling David Bowie, circa 'life on mars.' I am all for the empowerment of women via the deconstruction of image-as-king, and i totally get that makeup is, while a whole lot of fun to some, a slavish and chauvinist chore to others. But on Oscar night? You can't even put on a coat or two of mascara, or bother to comb your hair? And the Lanvin frock baffles. Perhaps because the crushed velvet reminds me too much of a pair of overalls I took to wearing weekly in the sixth grade. But it's totally formless - I just wonder what was going through her mind when she chose this number. She's always dressed to the flap of her own Crocs, but . . . really?

4. Jennifer Hudson
Okay - she's totally cute, she's got a killer voice, and the dress itself is not that bad. BUT, someone has got to tell her that if you have a well-endowed chest, wearing a sheath of bunched white fabric across them only makes for an unflattering uniboob. I, unlike many others, was a fan of the bolero last year - but this look, I cannot take. Did she look in a mirror? It is so obviously not right.

3. Miley Cyrus
You are 15. Fifteen. You cannot possibly appreciate Valentino, and you are only a star because of the Disney Channel. Or Nickelodeon. I mean, good for you and everything - but please go back to Brass Plum, and leave the haute couture for the grownups.

2. and 1. Daniel Day-Lewis & Mrs. DDL
Someone should have turned her away at the door. And done his hair. Removed his earrings; fixed that shawl tuxedo thing . . . I don't even know.

Honorable Mention: Diablo Cody, but she used to be a stripper, so it's cool.

1 comment:

Anna Quinlan said...

I don't even know where to start with you right now.
1.) Since when do you have an effing blog? You're way too clever to be left off my google reader.
2.) I pray to baby Jesus in his manger (with his baby einstein...) that I am in fact the friend that might say that JG "put her back into it." I agree that she looked amazing (although her gushing shout-out to Rachel Zoe wasn't my favorite. Take some credit for your own fine ass!).
3.) Agreed on Tilda. Although we likened her more to Conan O'Brien.
4.) All of your critiques are on the verge of being discredited with your admittance that you LIKED THE BOLERO. Seriously.