Tuesday, April 22, 2008


sometimes, when i wonder if god is real and if he is close and if he cares about me, i look at the bougainvillea outside my window (while thanking him that i no longer live in the midwest). breathe in, breathe out, and believe.

this month, as the b. creeps over the arbor that shades the back patio, bluejays have made a nest under the protective vine. the parents scuttle all over the yard and return to the nest with their beaks full of little treasures: newspaper pieces from the recycling bin, twigs that have fallen to the ground, fern leaves so big that they might topple these royal birds.

and all of a sudden, i am reminded that God has promised me that if he clothes these birds in such splendor - gives them such a stunningly beautiful place to live, under the vibrant flowers and in the peaceful shade - if he does this, i can trust him to do that and more for me. i don't mean to say that bougainvillea makes my belief easier all the time - if only that were the case. if only there were something i could see, or smell, or touch that would affirm God's closeness to me. and while there are some things that bring his closeness into crisper focus - my good friends, family, a good book, music, blossoming flowers, and the ocean most of all - i still falter, still doubt, still wonder and fear.

and still, i am thankful and humbled and so glad to be here.

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