Tuesday, July 28, 2009

monies

i am what you might call a 'spender.' part of me hates to say this, because it fits into that gender-stereotypical role of woman-as-shopper and i don't like fitting into gender-stereotyped roles. that's part of why i drink whiskey, and have my coffee black, and am such an avid sports fan. (HA!)

but in this case, you can stereotype me, label me, pigeonhole me. i spend money quickly and loosely. not just on cute clothes and big purses, either, but on eating meals out and buying a round of drinks for all my friends when we're together. i don't hold money tightly. and that can be a good thing that results in generosity; but it can also result in the kind of bank account statements that make me cringe, and a short-sighted view of money in my life.

so, naturally, i decided to marry this guy who is frugal franny. naturally, at least, according to this article that franny sent me earlier today about how 'big spenders (that's me) tend to marry big savers (that's zack).' aside from the fact that they cite a paper called "Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction," it is a serious article backed by serious research that indicates how people may want to soften their own financial habits by marrying someone whose habits are different from their own.

it makes me wonder. is this usually the case? can two people with very different views of money consistently meet each other in the middle, or is one always left feeling unheard? and what are practical ways to honor the role of finances in marriage or dating or friendships when two people disagree about how it should be handled?

i will think this over with a glass of johnny walker and mourn brett favre's decision to 'remain retired.' (sports and whiskey!)

2 comments:

*corinne said...

i'd like to weigh in...
just like many people end up with their opposite on the E vs I and P vs J spectrum in Myers Briggs, so i notice that in keeping with that, people in great compatible relationships are often very different in regards to their money handling/philosophies. i'm not the greatest saver, but i'm not like a CRAZY spender, and i really hate handling bills and all that. since i know this about myself, and wish i were better, i am very hopeful that i will end up with someone who is on the other end...not a ridiculous penny pincher but someone who is careful and diligent about spending/saving/paying bills. i would go crazy being with someone just like myself. if both people in the relationship are good communicators and neither one is too set in their ways, i believe that it will end up working out best to have contrasting philosophies, even if one or the other is sometimes annoyed at the ultimate decisions.

laura ortberg said...

love the MB insights from you corinne, and i know i can always count on that. i think you're really wise to say that 'if both people in the relationship are good communicators and neither one is too set in their ways,' the contrasting philosophies can actually be an asset in the relationship. and i think that the communication piece, over and above what your financial habits are, is by far the more important issue . . .