karl barth on theologians:

"You can tell what kind of a theologian somebody is by what they smoke.

If they smoke cigarettes, they’re liberal; if they smoke cigars, they’re orthodox; and if they smoke a pipe, they’re neo-orthodox. Then somebody asked Barth, ‘What if they don’t smoke?’ And he said, in his heavily accented English, ‘Then they’re no theologian.’”

(i don't know if he actually said this, but i read it and thought it was humurous. for the record, this puts me somewhere between liberal and orthodox. but at least i'm a theologian)