Thursday, August 19, 2010

feel bad.

there are some days where i feel really bad that i don't cook wonderful meals from scratch every night just because i love to cook and love to use fresh ingredients and then post photos of my creations on my blog. days i feel really bad that running doesn't clear my mind and relieve my stress and that i'll never get a tan and that there will probably never be a picture of me at the met gala in vogue (seriously, i feel bad about that). days when my to-do list seems to fill itself out, page by page, and i am afraid to even look. and i feel bad that i don't want to look. i feel bad, on these days, that i haven't already started a company or become a household name or written a book, and then i google "people who were famous before 25" (which is really not helpful) so that i can compare myself to rihanna and jonathan safran foer and everyone i know.

most nights, i'd rather have frozen pizza for dinner. and broccoli on the side - not from the farmer's market, but the kind that comes from the frozen bags you get at the grocery store. most days, i feel the deep pull of laziness and idleness as i go through my tasks. sometimes, i feel disconnected from other people. sometimes i feel disconnected from God.

some days, i just feel bad.


Bex said...

I'm with you. Sometimes I feel that way, too. Chipotle or string cheese or almonds or yogurt or Subway for dinner for days on end. Weeks without "real" trips to the grocery store. Hating each step when I run...hating that I only have the endurance to run for 10 minutes; hating that I'm sore for 5 days after. And yes. The book, the company, the job, the everything. I totally feel you about those days.

emilykatz said...

let's just live the bad together, for a little while? it's more fun when you're not alone.

Laura Ortberg Turner said...

amen to that, ek. let's live it together. and becky, you can join us vicariously. it's way more fun when you're not alone.

.adam. said...

Thanks Lo. I know these feelings. I keep hoping for a time in life when I can give myself the freedom to not feel bad for feeling/thinking this stuff. That's the kind of freedom I want.