Thursday, January 20, 2011

Golden Globes 2011

I'm totally late to the game on this one, but I was visiting dear friends in Chicago while the Globes were on. And while the Midwest is known for many lovely things (Portillo's hot dogs, deep-dish pizza, the cold . . . ), it isn't the most fashion-forwa

rd place on earth. Not to say there aren't some attentive people in the region; I spent a few minutes of breakfast the next day dissecting fashion trends with my friend Shauna. But by and large, the attention was on the Bears-Hawks game, which, whatever.

The Oscars are the Big Game around here, so I'm mentally (physically, emotionally, spiritually) preparing for February 27th. The Globes can serve as sort of a poor man's Oscars, and the fashions are usually far less reverent. Which, you know, maybe explains Helena Bonham Carter? But I've gotten ahead of myself.

Since we're speaking of the Oscars, let's start with 2011 hostess Anne Hathaway . . .

Such a pretty dress. And, yeah, it has a lot going on - the long sleeves, the shoulders, the paillettes, the cling. But having a consistent color and pattern all the way through makes a big difference. I will say that, while Anne totally has the body and lovely face to carry this dress, it doesn't feel totally consistent with her demure personality. But I like the choice, and I love the hair with it.

Her report card is solid so far.

Until . . .

Now, I do not know who she is talking to (but doesn't she eerily resemble an older/facelifted version of the grandmother from gilmore girls?). It doesn't matter.
Because, just like that, the dress goes from intriguing/Dynasty-esque to Senior Ice Skating league. WHY, when you have a slim, young star, you would attach yards of Ecru Leggs panty hose to the back of her dress is beyond me.


Emma Stone was one of my favorite looks of the night. She is back to her natural blond now, and looks a little bit like Kate Bosworth from a distance, although Kate Bosworth would have cut the bottom like seven feet from this dress and painted braids on it. Anyways. I just saw Easy A and thought it was really cute, so I'm predisposed toward ES, but I think she pulled off a great look--simple, elegant, and really sophisticated. She had a nice back cutout (no hose there), and the color is so nice on her, and a welcome interruption of the jewel tones that have reigned the last few years.

Before we move on . . . Do you remember Claire's? Or the Icing? Do you remember when you got your ear cartilage pierced there when you were in seventh grade because jenna simms had her ear pierced there too and she was dating jim williams and you thought that if you had that same piercing he might think you were really cool and ditch jenna for you? Okay, good. Glad we're all on the same page. We're ready.

Because Michelle Williams' dress, I'm pretty sure, is actually a beige maxi dress on sale at Ann Taylor Loft for $29.99, appliqued with daisy pins and brooches and magnets from the Icing. And here's the thing: It's Valentino! She would have been so much better off just going with one of his iconic red dresses. Maybe that's what he should stick too, if this is what's going to come out. That, or he could change his line to Goldie Hawn and Bob Dylan's Love Child House O Fun.

It's a bummer, too, because she usually makes really great fashion choices - remember the iconic yellow Vera Wang at the 2006 Oscars? This one just seems like it may have been borrowed from a really tall 12 year-old at the last minute. And don't even get me started on her eyebrows.

CZJ was having a total Gone With The Wind moment at the GGs - and I really cannot think of anyone who could pull it off better than she. I hope that her dress really was made of impromptu drapes. Plus, she totally looks like a Holiday Barbie that my cousin and I got one year for Christmas, which makes it that much better. That forest green color was big this year - Angie's dress, Elizabeth Moss (although her hip pleats, meh).

Natalie Portman - the boob rose, again? It was reminiscent of Charlize's 2010 Oscar gown

In general, I'm not a fan of red and pink together. I mean, how much more 'Valentine chic' can you get? Plus, she's never struck me as a pink-and-red kind of girl. I mean, I get it - you're pregnant, you want to be comfortable and look good, you just did a ballet film, so, you know, pink . . . but it leaves me feeling totally 'meh,' with a little bit of 'remember how in elementary school we used to have those paper bags on valentine's day and you would just give them to the people you liked?' (right?)

helena bonham carter was, as usual, batshit crazy.

She wore two different colored shoes - which, you know, not the craziest thing she's ever done. As one blogger I read pointed out, though, we wouldn't be entirely shocked to find out that her hair is made entirely out of unraveled casette tape. I also wouldn't be shocked to find out that she chooses her dresses based on what some psychic dog named ZsaZsa Gabor XVI points to on her wardrobe Ouija board. My friend Shauna mentioned how Vivienne Westwood must cringe when she hears HBC praise her on the red carpet - Vivienne surely meant for a quirky, Carrie Bradshaw bridesmaid dress, not something that gets slapped on as an accessory to holiday-themed shoes and Yoko Ono sunglasses.

At least we can always count on HBC to give us something to talk about.

My last, and favorite, dress of the night was a total runaway.

Although, I feel that it is my duty to say upfront: Her hair could have been better. And by 'could have been better,' I mean 'was pretty plain and kind of looked liked Sandra Bullock with a bad dye job and styled by someone who treats hair-brushing as a "theory."'

But the dress. OH, the dress. It's like what Jessica McClintock wants to be with every factory prom dress it runs off, but never will be. And I mean that as a total compliment - this is the dress that every young American woman wishes she had found and worn. It is elegant and classic in its shape, but edgy in its execution and simple in its accessorizing. It is lovely, in every sense of the word: feminine, charming, and almost flirtatious.

And OMG, the shoes. BAD ASS.

Until February 27th . . .


MicheLe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MicheLe said...

What are "impromptu drapes", exactly? Did Fraulein Maria make the dress from the Von Trapp family clothes? And what did Ann Taylor Loft ever do to you?

Good to see you back in the game.

Shauna said...


Anna Jordan said...

"Impromptu drapes" I think is referring to an impromptu dress made out of drapes (like the outfits in sound of music) but this one specifically looks like the dress Scarlett O'Hara made out of drapes so that so she could go down to the jail and try to get money from Rhett to save Tara.

Love the commentary Laura. I was beginning to worry that you were losing interest ;)

James Benton said...

You are snarkier than Joan Rivers...that is a compliment!

Laura Ortberg Turner said...

MM - Anna was spot-on about the 'impromptu drapes' reference. I was thinking of Scarlett O'Hara's famous green velvet portieres dress. CZJ pulled it off. And Ann Taylor Loft is fine if you're going into the office, but it is not approp for the Golden Globes! Especially when bedazzled by hippie daisies.

Robin said...

You broke my heart. I was in LOVE with Hathaway's dress.....until you exposed the hose. I had no idea. I feel cheated.

Great post :)

Sara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara said...

I totally agree with your observations...WTF with the nude/ice skater nylon mesh!? Why not allow a sexy plunge in the back, paired with a conservative, chic sequined front? DEAR LORD. And as for your observations on the final, show-stopper dress, I will say that I think the hair needed to be simple. Perhaps, the color/bangs could have been altered but if she went too fancy with the hair we would be writing about a Cinderella-meets Black swan-fashion identity crisis. Just sayin' :)

hrmustang said...

cute blog! :)

emilykatz said...

so glad that this post JUST NOW showed up on my feed. whatever, whatever.

spit out my cider when i read "Because Michelle Williams' dress, I'm pretty sure, is actually a beige maxi dress on sale at Ann Taylor Loft for $29.99, appliqued with daisy pins and brooches and magnets from the Icing."

thank God you're back. and, btw, your husband isn't allowed back in my house without you!!!

Anonymous said...

If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a few minutes.