expectations

it is not even funny how many times each day i think about this word. mostly thanks to a seed planted in my brain by my friend michele and, as usual, she's onto something.

life is all about expectations.

the last week or so, i've come home after work and been surprised to realize that i am feeling sad. not crying or depressed, but definitely what you might call down. uninspired. and that gets me thinking. what are my expectations for my new job? what have i been hoping for, and are those hopes realistic? (disclaimer here about hopes not having to be realistic and dreaming big, etc. etc.) why do i expect my job to provide me with so many things that i know, on some level, i cannot get from a job alone-deep personal fulfillment, rich friendships, constant intellectual stimulation? what would happen if i just let my job be a job? i bet everything else would be a bonus. i bet i would be able to take things much less personally, and that i would be excited when i had a great interaction with a colleague instead of going home disappointed that my day wasn't full of them. i bet i could do great data entry and free up time for my supervisors and still think creatively about publicity.

life is seriously all about expectations.

and not only at work, of course. if i don't expect my friends to be perfect, i will not be disappointed (mostly) when they are not. i will be free to respond with grace and love, rather than the insecurity and fear that is bred by unsynchronized expectations. if i don't expect my job to give me what God wants to give me, then i will be free to enjoy my career in meaningful ways and gratefully accept anything about it that goes well. if i don't expect perfection and mind-reading from my boyfriend, i will be free to empathize with him and be with him where we are, instead of worrying about where one or both of us ought to be.

if i expect God to keep his word on all that he promises me, i will be free to live the richest, loveliest, sometimes scary adventure that will send me running whenever i fall back on my own understanding.

it's all about expectations.