Monday, May 18, 2009

the shepherd who goes out to me

“It often seems that the more I try to disentangle myself from the darkness, the darker it becomes. I need light, but that light has to conquer my darkness, and that I cannot bring about myself. I cannot forgive myself, I cannot make myself feel loved. By myself I cannot leave the land of my own struggles, I cannot bring myself home, nor can I create communion on my own. I can desire it, hope for it, wait for it, yes, pray for it. But my true freedom I cannot make for myself. That must be given to me. I am lost. I must be found by the shepherd who goes out to me.”
—Henri Nouwen, The Prodigal Son

There are some days, more than others, when I need to remember these words for the sake of my heart. They are usually days like today, when I feel a bit anxious and am sure that God has put me in the back of his mind, like a chore that he’s meaning to do, but may not actually get around to for awhile. Days when I am so worried about finding God that I forget to remember to let him find me. And that’s what he does; God is in the business of finding lost people. Not halfheartedly, either – it is his passion. And that’s a good thing – such a good thing – because then it doesn’t matter if I forget or remember. The shepherd still goes out to me.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

i enjoy the thought that i was lost and then was found. Not, I was lost and then I found. It's a subtle difference, but profound. The shepherd found me in my lamby wanderings. It's easy to think as a Christ follower that I have found Christ, but the kicker is that he was never lost.