i'm awake too late, because there are many things on my mind, and i have a hard time sleeping when that happens. one person who i love just told me recently that she hates the word 'hope.' hates what it represents, hates the idea that there might be a promise of something better that turns out not to be true, not to be reality. and i wish that i could say that everything will be okay, but i know enough to know that this is not my phrase to say, not my consolation to give. i am grateful for the Lord, even though my heart is heavy.
i said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith,
but the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought;
so the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
-ts eliot, east coker, four quartets
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