Whence real love?

There has been a lot of chatter online the last few days around the newly-release "Real Marriage" by Mark and Grace Driscoll. Reviews (both from those in the Reformed camp and outside of it) abound; you can find them here, here, here, here, and here. (Okay, so not the last one. But I thought you could use a little levity, and who doesn't love Steve Martin?)

While my own thoughts about Mark's theology are both widely available and probably quite evident, I wonder now more about the marriages that are going to be shaped by reading this book. The couples, old and young, whose behavior and attitudes and life together have been laid at the altar of the Driscoll's teachings.  

I haven't read the book, and probably won't, so this isn't meant to be a review of any type. And as much as I know I could go that way, this isn't meant to be a condescending portrait of a lost couple -- no "oh, poor things," or "they just don't know how to discern good theology from bad." I don't want to say that I feel sorry for them, because that assumes that I, on my high horse, have somehow managed a superior skill at living in a relationship. And that certainly isn't the case.

I do wonder, though. What must it be like to be a young woman, newly married, raised to find your own voice, lead your own life, only to be told that the home is the place where you must use your gifts. To learn that, as a young mother, you must first consult with your husband about your new haircut -- because no matter how many minutes you save in the morning by not having to dry, curl, and spray, no amount of time is more valuable than your husband's pleasure in glimpsing your long locks. To have grown in a relationship of partners, only to find out that perhaps your marital struggles are stemming from your 'disobedience' to God in wanting to work outside the home.

No, I don't feel sorry for them. I feel sad. And confused -- confusion akin to that I feel at the growth and attractiveness of a church like Mars Hill, under the teaching of Driscoll and others who teach that God hates you and that you shouldn't worship a Jesus you could beat up.

When will we be free? When will the time come that we don't need to have these conversations? It can't come soon enough, to be sure, but I fear that it will take longer than I hope. We have lived under false teaching long enough.